4 Most Common Bridesmaid Issues and How to Deal With Them
So first you said “Yes!” and then you asked your best girlfriends to be bridesmaids and everything was going smoothly until it wasn’t.
Here’s the thing – everyone is going to want to blame the bridesmaid that’s gone awry. But knowing why these bridesmaid issues arise will help you better face them if they come up – or better yet, before they do!
It can be extremely stressful to have conflict within your closest friend circle. This is the time when you should be gathering together and receiving all the support you need before you walk down the aisle.
So when one person – or more – has an issue, it can be emotionally draining.
Today on the Tom Russo Photography blog we are sharing the 4 most common bridesmaid issues and how you should deal with a difficult bridesmaid.
Jealous Bridesmaid
First and foremost, if you have a bridesmaid that is acting in a way that feels hurtful, consider whether she may be jealous. While she may love you more than anything, sometimes watching people we are close with go through something we desire for ourselves can be very challenging.
If she is saying hurtful things, being difficult or has seemed to disappear from plan making – ask yourself if she might be jealous.
Ultimately, you will want to have a conversation with her so that you can clear the air and hopefully when you do it will help her realize how she’s been acting – there’s a good chance she didn’t even know she was doing it.
Whatever you do, don’t create a situation where you are discussing her behavior with other bridesmaids before you make a point to speak with her. The goal here is not to create more bridesmaid issues. You want to diffuse the situation and approaching with grace will be your best bet.
We recommend starting the conversation by telling her how you are feeling by her behaviors. Perhaps she simply has something else going on, sometimes it can be hard to tell. But making space for her to share how she is feeling may be the thing you need to reset big emotions.
Bridesmaid Not Meeting Expectations
This one can get tricky.
The truth is many women have been part of bridal parties while some haven’t. But even bridesmaids who have been in multiple weddings can tell you that no two are created equal.
And since no two weddings are the same, that means that expectations can vary greatly.
Many stressed bridesmaids may even find themselves turning to Google at 1:00 in the morning to ask clarifying questions only to find out that there are no standard answers.
It’s super important that when you ask your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding day, that you are clear with them on the role that you are asking for them.
When they have a clear role, they can determine whether being a part of your bridal party is something that they can reasonably accommodate.
Some things to consider covering up front with your bridesmaids:
- Expenses, what do you expect them to pay vs what you will pay?
- Dresses, Hair and Make Up, Bachelorette Parties, Bridal Showers
- Tasks, what events do you want them to plan?
- Roles, what do you need them to be responsible for especially on the day of your wedding.
Break each of these up into smaller details if you have to until there’s no gray area left.
Bridesmaid Doesn’t Like Her Dress
This is another area where you may have to approach your bridesmaids and set very clear expectations.
Truth is, none of us are one size fits all. And that goes for bridesmaid dresses.
It’s very likely if you land on a specific style of dress that you want everyone to adhere to, there will be bridesmaids that hate their dress. Cue the bridesmaid issues.
While it’s your wedding and you do get to make the final decisions, being able to compromise will go a long way in ensuring that everyone has a good time at your wedding.
Most often when a bridesmaid doesn’t like her dress it’s because she doesn’t feel comfortable in it.
On a day where it is truly all about you – the fact is you’re also setting your bridesmaids on a stage in front of a lot of people. If she is struggling with insecurities it’s going to be really hard for her to rally knowing that a whole bunch of people – sometimes hundreds – can see her.
For a more harmonious situation, consider picking one thing you want most out of the bridesmaid dresses and then letting your bridesmaids pick an option for themselves – with your final approval of course.
Consider picking one of these options:
- Length of dress
- Style: Lace, Bohemian, Ruffles, Floral
- Color: make them all the same or choose a color family if you want variety while staying cohesive
Bridesmaid Can’t Afford Wedding Expenses
Let’s be honest – you already know this one.
Weddings are expensive.
They are expensive for you, your wedding party, and your guests.
As a bridesmaid it can get very costly, very quickly. Especially if those expectations aren’t set around budget and desires. It’s easy to see why this bridesmaid issue will come up.
And when you have one bridesmaid planning all the things – to another bridesmaid it can feel like being forced into things you wish you could afford but can’t.
Everyone has unique life situations that can make it extremely challenging to be a bridesmaid, whether that’s cost, time, or energy.
Traveling for bachelorette showers and weddings turns into a vacation level expense and for some people that is just really, really stressful.
If you have a bridesmaid who is seemingly on edge about the financial aspect of being a part of your special day, have a conversation with her.
Make adjustments where you can so that it is fair and inclusive to everyone.
Because truthfully, your friend does not want to be labeled as a nightmare bridesmaid.
She’s most likely stressed because she wants you to have all those crazy and wonderful ideas all the dreamers in the group are coming up with – but she sees the financial reality of each of those ideas, too.
In short, there’s a lot of room for bridesmaid issues to arise in the time it takes to plan and have your wedding. Ultimately, being respectful and cognizant of everyone’s feelings will go a long way.
Afterall, these are your people! You asked them for a reason and they said yes because they love and want to support you.
Being open and supportive is the easiest way to show them that you value your relationships with them and want them to feel included and cared for.
We hope this was insightful and will help you better prepare for how to deal with bridesmaid drama when you get married. If you want to read more tips on how to avoid bridesmaid issues and increase the good vibes for your upcoming wedding, check out this article from Brides.com “The Zero-Drama Guide to Bridesmaids“
For more helpful tips check out the Tom Russo Photography blog.
